THE EMPEROR’S NEW CLOTHES
Before Feminism and Femdom it was always assumed by everyone that men were the natural dominant sex and this belief still persists today. But is it true? It might be like the Hans Christian Andersen story of The Emperor's New Clothes, where everyone said the Emperor wore fine clothing, but the truth was, he was naked.
It is of interest that Femdom was started and created by men. A man wrote the first true Femdom book, Venus In Furs, which was published in 1870, and up until recently it has been mostly men who have written on the subject. It also has been men who have paid Dominatrixes to whip and humiliate them.
Men have encouraged, paid and even demanded that women dominate, use and abuse them to such a degree that women have accused these men of ‘topping from the bottom’. This is because it seems that men have been ‘calling the shots’ in Femdom and not women. So why has it been men and not women who have been the driving force in Femdom?
We must remember that men are brainwashed from childhood to believe men are the dominant sex. So a man who submits to a woman is called a wimp and would be ridiculed for being so timid. So what drives these men to defy the whole of patriarchal society and conditioning and publically tell the world they want to submit to women?
This is similar behaviour observed in male lemurs in zoos. The wild lemurs of
live in matriarchal groups where the females dominate. So the females would learn from their mothers
how to continue the matriarchy. But
sometimes in zoos this connection is broken where lemurs are brought up in
isolation and do not have any role models when growing up. This means they have to rely on their basic
instincts to know how to behave.
What is interesting is that the instinct of lemur males to submit to females is far stronger than the female’s instinct to be in charge. So there have been cases where males and females have been put in the same cage together and the males immediately submit to the females, using submissive calls and body language. But the females didn’t always respond to this. Like in Femdom the male lemurs have to persuade and reassure the females that they are genuine, in wanting to be submissive to them.
Perhaps it might be that men are the true natural submissive sex. It could be that slavery is part of men’s DNA, because slavery has been commonplace throughout recorded history. Serfs and slaves are totally powerless people, they are actually owned by other people and they have no rights and can be beaten or murdered with impunity. While the fruits of their labour goes to their owner and not to them.
If men are the dominant sex, why have we had slavery and serfdom? We have had slavery from the time of the Ancient Greeks and Romans up until the 19th century. So men cannot be very domineering, if it is so easy for other men to turn them into slaves and serfs?
We also find the same situation in the military, where soldiers are seen as being tough macho men. Yet soldier will obey without question, the most insane orders which will result in their deaths. The extremes of this are World War One where soldiers climbed out of their trenches to face near certain death by machine gun fire because they were ordered to do so. Or in World War Two where Japanese Kamikaze suicide pilots deliberately crashed their aircraft into enemy shipping because they were also obeying orders. Patriarchy will spin this as iron discipline, but it is also extreme submission to authority.
The surprising thing is that the military can train men to kill themselves when ordered to do so, without any intense brainwashing. All they do is boss them around on a parade ground and they get so used to obeying orders that they will obey the most insane orders on the battle field.
What is striking about all patriarchal societies is that that they are all based on a hierarchal structure, where it seems men cannot work together unless they appoint a leader to tell everyone else what to do. These leaders then get total obedience from other men, to the degree it is very easy for all patriarchal leaders to abuse their power.
This is why in all male dominated societies there is a vast gap between rich and poor because the ruling elite find it too easy to exploit the people they rule. This is only possible because men have within them a very strong instinct to obey orders from anyone in a leadership position. We have had in the past kings and dictators who have been obviously insane and yet still retain power. So strong is men’s instinct to obey a leader.
Another thing that is commonplace in all patriarchal societies is the oppression of women. Where men are encouraged to use their greater size and strength to dominate and abuse women. So why is it so important for patriarchal societies to keep women
And extreme case is Muslim countries where they have a custom where a man is ‘dishonoured’ if his will does not obey and respect him. And they only way he can regain his ‘honour’ is to kill his wife. So if men are so dominant why do they need such an extreme doctrine to oppress women? If men were the natural dominant sex they wouldn’t need such brutal custom to ensure they were. Women would instinctively obey men, if male domination was the natural order. The fact that they have to be forced to obey through extreme violence, makes this questionable.
We use to have a similar idea in Western countries where a man wasn’t a ‘real man’, if his wife bossed him about. So up until the 20th century wife beating was normal in all Western cultures. Suggesting there was a lot of disobedient wives who could only be kept in line through intimidation and violence.
So why do all patriarchal countries keep women down? It might be because if women are not actively oppressed, then they might quickly take over and overthrow the patriarchal ruling class. Men have a strong instinct to obey anyone in authority so if women take over the leadership position and men obey them. Then the patriarchal rulers of our world will lose all their power, influence and wealth. We are starting to see this happen with the rise of both Feminism and Femdom in Western countries.
This suggests that the only thing stopping women becoming the dominant sex is patriarchal propaganda and brainwashing. Even today with the rise of feminism, many men still do not wish to admit in public that his wife might be the boss in their relationship, for fear of ridicule.
They may even still have problems in private and fight against their submissive Femdom desires as they fear that his wife wouldn’t respect him. This is because women have also have been brainwashed into believing men are the dominant sex. We can see this when the Femdom movement started and many women were very suspicious of Femdom men. Only because they believed that something was wrong with them as they didn’t seem to be like ‘normal’ men.
So perhaps the reason why women cannot dominate men is for the simple reason that they don’t believe they can do it. Like female lemurs in zoos they have to be persuaded by the males that they truly want to submit to them. This is why a strong Femdom movement is so important to persuade women that it is natural for men to be submissive.
Women are not encouraged to boss men around and instead are told they must use ‘feminine wiles’ to manipulate men. Yet, there are women who find it easy to order men around, so what is their secret? Is it because, they didn’t use feminine wiles but directly told men what to do? Women are encouraged to be ‘nice’ and ask men to do what they want, but is this really the best way to get what you want from men? It seems that many men will respond more positively, to the woman giving them orders.
This means we have to look to both sexes being brainwashed by patriarchal indoctrination. Where women don’t use their power to dominate men simply because they don’t believe they have this power, or are too frighten to use it. Certainly, if a woman can start to get a man to obey orders, the more she bosses him about the more obedient he will become, because after a while, following orders will become an automatic response.
THE INDIRECT APPROACH
Many women will find the direct approach difficult to do or perhaps have tried it only to find it hasn’t worked for them. Certainly a woman has to be very confident to boss men around. There are also men who have been totally brainwashed by patriarchy that men are the dominant sex, that it might be hard to overcome this.
But there are other methods that are not so blatantly obvious. Like a Behaviourist Psychological trick of associating two stimulus together. (This came from the Pavlov's dog experiments). The idea is that if two stimuli are mixed together in a person’s mind, activating one of them will rouse the other.
Women can use men’s sexual desire to help her in this. When a couple first meet, it is obvious the man will desperately want to get into bed with the woman. Because of this he is willing at first to accept any type of behaviour from the woman he wouldn’t normally agree to. So she can be very bossy with him from the start and get away with it, because he only has sex on his mind. This then will associate in his head a bossy woman with sexual desires and may even awaken within him Femdom feelings. Also getting him use to obeying orders from a woman can quickly become a habit.
This can even work in an establish couple where when the woman sees that the man has strong sexual desires for her, she can be bossy with him. He is less likely to question this then as he has other things on his mind. And again the result will be he will in time associate his wife being bossy with sex desire. Once this has become a habit she can then start to be bossy, without him wanting sex with her.
Some women may feel they cannot directly give orders to men, but there is a NLP technique that may help. The idea is to feed orders within normal day to day speech.
So a woman can say, “dinner is ready, EAT IT NOW, before it gets cold.”
Or she can say, “Can you, GO TO THE SUPERMARKET, to pick up a few things.”
The order part of the sentence is at first just slipped in unnoticed, but over time if the phrases are used often, it can become more and more empathised until the order is more clearly heard.
The man will then have obeyed her orders without being aware she gave him an order. To do this a woman has to look at all her speech patterns and see where she can feed orders within them. Then when the man gets use to this and she can slowly be more direct and obvious in giving him orders. As the result, she can become more and more bossy without him being aware of the gradual changes in their relationship.
CONVINCING A MAN HE IS SUBMISSIVE
If men are dominant because they have been brainwashed to believe it is natural for men to be dominant. How do you overcome the brainwashing?
Indoctrination is very effective if everyone believes in it, this is because all and sundry talks about it to everybody else and so supports and reinforces it in each other. The indoctrination will also be passed down the generations as parents teach it to their children. As the result, even if a man has submissive desires towards women, he will fight against it because he believes that there is something wrong with him. This is because he seems to be different from other men. Not knowing that other men might have the same secret desires.
It’s not for nothing that rich people call the common people ‘sheepies’ because most people want to fit in and be seen as ‘normal’. So the only way men can express their secret desires would be to find like minded people. This then is the advantage of having a fairly large Femdom community and finding people who feel the same way.
When we had only a small number of men who would admit to their Femdom desires, then most people wouldn’t want to be part of this small group of perverts. But as the group becomes larger, then Femdom has become more acceptable to more people. So the perception that many men do have Femdom fantasies is helpful in getting men to own up to their Femdom desires, as people like to be part of a crowd.
It is also be very important to women, because if they find there is a lot of men with Femdom desires, then they will feel that perhaps these men are not abnormal after all. Certainly women do have the attitude of thinking, ‘what’s the catch’ when dealing with Femdom men and have to have a lot of reassurance to know it’s all right.
It is important to put across the idea that if a man is submissive to women, or has Femdom desires, there is nothing psychology wrong with him. Certainly pointing out slavery and serfdom in the past and the way military makes men obey orders without question, is helpful in demonstrating that patriarchal propaganda is very dubious.
Even, books like, 50 Shades Of Grey can be helpful. It is true it is a book about female submission but it has brought the whole idea of BDSM into the mainstream and making it more acceptable. So if people can accept maledom they can also accept Femdom.
Certainly the internet is greatly helpful in this. Men can go on porn sites and although most of the porn they will see, is basically maledom porn, they will also find Femdom porn on most of these sites as well. So they can look at this and see if they likes it. It is well known in the BDSM community that people do switch, so people who can start off in maledom can easy switch to Femdom later on.
HYPNOTISING A MAN
Hypnotism is seen as a powerful tool in gaining control over people, but how do you do it? The theory is that the mind has two parts the conscious and unconscious mind. In normal conversation the conscious mind accesses and judges everything told to it and if it is told anything it disagrees with, it will refuse to accept it. In contrast the unconscious mind accepts everything told to it without question. So if you want to brainwash a person, then you have to find ways to by-pass the conscious mind. This can be done in two ways.
Some hypnotists hold up a swinging pendulum and ask their subject to focus on it. So while the conscious mind is busy watching the swinging pendulum the hypnotist talks to the person. And then can feed ideas directly into the unconscious mind idea that the conscious mind is not blocking, as it is too busy watching the pendulum.
The second method is simply to make the conscious mind relax. The hypnotists ask the subject to lie down and relax, making suggestions to reinforce this. Then when the conscious mind is completely relaxed then the hypnotists can feed suggestions that will by-pass the conscious mind. This is why TV adverts are so effective in brainwashing people to buy products they don’t need or want. People became too relaxed watching TV and consciously don’t question the misinformation coming from adverts.
So how can a woman use this information? Women can easy hypnotist men without them being aware of it. Many women complain that men don’t listen to what they say. It can get even worse; some business women at board meetings will put forward an idea but get no response. Then she will be shocked and outraged when a man later on puts forward her idea and no-one will be aware that it was her idea first.
It seems this has happened so often, that it has become a well-known phenomenon. So is this just bad manners or is their another reason for this? When the businesswoman point out what had just happened, the men in the room deny it completely. So the only time she will get any support is if another woman is in the room. So what is going on?
Psychologists have noticed that if a very attractive woman says anything to men. The men are so interested in watching her, that they don’t hear what she says. It is a bit like the hypnotist swinging a pendulum to keep the conscious mind occupied. So, she is hypnotising them without being aware of it. Because everything she says, will by-passes their conscious mind and goes straight to the unconscious mind. But having put him into a trance, it is important she knows how to exploit this, for her own gains.
This suggests that an attractive woman, with say a low cut dress or any revealing clothing, with a man is gawking at her, can say what she likes to him, without him being consciously aware of what she is saying. So she is then in a unique position to be able to brainwash him into anything she likes. It may even be possible to say outrageous things like, “you will obey me at all times,” without him being consciously aware of it. Though perhaps most women will try saying things that are less direct at first, to see how he responds first.
If a woman feels too shy or frighten to be so direct with him she can feed what she wants into the conversation. So she can talk about something like dog training and explain about how important it is to get a dog to obey. So in this conversation she can put in phrases like, “I expect total obedience”, when talking about a dog. But if fed to the unconscious mind without censorship from the conscious mind, then the man has in his mind that he has to be obedient to her.
Though this phenomenon can work against women who are not aware of what is happening. The problem for many women is that if they have a partner who is not consciously listening to her, she could unwittingly brainwash him is ways that she doesn’t want. If she complains to him, about his faults as this could make them worse. This means she has to think about what she says and tell him things about what she wants from him, and not what she doesn’t want.
For example, just saying, “you never listen to a word I say.”
I might be true, but it will brainwash him into becoming even more deaf to what she says.
She would be better to say things like, “you always do as you are told.”
Even if it isn’t true, because although he is not consciously listening, his unconscious mind will have heard it and feed it back later to his conscious mind. And the more she say things like this, the more it will indoctrinate him into what she wants him to be.
I will discuss this more in the NAGGING section of this article. Also for further research you can buy hypnotism or NLP books or and research it on the internet. An example of this, is this video on Youtube.
What is interesting is that nearly all patriarchal religions insist on worship, where people are expected to worship a god. The Muslims take it to the extreme, (like they always do) and strict Muslims are expected to worship
Mecca twice a day. In the past people were even expected to
worship kings and emperors. So what is it about worship that is so important?
So it is of interest that we find worship in Femdom where men want to kiss women’s feet, or even their bottoms. What is so important about worship is the emotions it creates within the worshipper. When a man worships a woman he feels a strong emotion of devotion. So it then becomes a powerful tool for a woman to gain total control and dominance over him. For this reason Dominant Women need to learn from patriarchal religions and get their submissive partner to worship them once or twice a day.
The problem with Femdom is that spanking, torturing or humiliating a man is more dramatic than just kissing a woman’s feet or bottom and so it can be neglected. But the feeling of devotion that worship brings is also very important.
But can it be used on men not into Femdom? Perhaps it can at the beginning of a relationship. We all know that at the beginning of any relationship between men and women the main focus for men is having sex with the woman. So many men have seduction techniques like complimenting a woman and telling her what she wants to hear. So a woman can play along with his and use it to her advantage by saying things like.
“Am I beautiful,” and the man will off course agree.
Then she can ask, “do I look like a goddess.”
And again he will agree.
So she can then suggest, “I like being told I’m a goddess.”
The man can then take the hint and tells her she is a goddess.
She can then respond by saying, “Oh I like that, tell me again.”
So she can get him to tell her she is a goddess a number of times and she can show him she likes it and encourage him to put a bit of feeling in what he says.
Then she can suggest, “Oh, I love to be a goddess and have men at my feet worshipping me.”
Some men may respond to this and worship her, others won’t. Some might fear that she is trying to make a fool of him, and so she has to reassure him that she is not.
So she can say, “it’s just a fantasy of mine, to be worshipped like a goddess, I would like you to do it, as it turns me on.”
Many men will do this because they might fear that if they don’t, she won’t want to have sex with him.
So there will be two factors working here. The first one is that, as previously mentioned, that when men stare at an attractive woman the conscious mind gets turned off. So her suggestions that she is a goddess will go straight to his unconscious mind. But the very fact of going on his knees to worship her can created feelings of devotion to her.
This can even work with a married couple. After awhile the sex-drive goes down and people don’t have sex so often. The woman can then just wait until her husband wants to have sex, and says she is not in the mood. But then suggest what might turn her on, is to be worshipped like a goddess. So if she can get him to do that, she can make it part of the foreplay every time they have sex. And while he is worshipping her she can feed other ideas into his unconscious mind like, “I am she who has to be obeyed,” and pretend it’s a joke if he mentions it.
So again this is another way women can use sex to brainwash men by associating sex with female dominance.
Nagging is something women have done for thousands of years and has something of a bad reputation. Many women complain they have nagged and nagged their husbands for years and it never changed their behaviour. But perhaps the reason for this is that it is being used wrongly.
Advertisers and propagandists have noticed that if you repeat the same message again and again, people will end up believing what you say, as the truth. This is exactly what women do when they nag, so why isn’t it effective for many women?
The reason why nagging doesn’t work is because women start to nag men when they are doing something they don’t want them to do. So if say a woman tells a man repeatedly, “you never wipe you feet when you come in doors,” she might be unwittingly programming him into never wiping his feet!
So for nagging to be effective it has to be about repeating a message that she wants him to do and not what she doesn’t want him doing. Therefore, she has to tell him when he is doing the right thing for her. For example if she wants him to do the washing up after dinner. She can perhaps get him to do it once or twice but then she can reinforce this by keep on reminding him, he did the washing up for her. So by this constant repetition, she can brainwash him into thinking of it, as his job.
This can be taken a step further if she can get him to obey her at times. Therefore she can remind him and praise him on how obedient he is. The more she tells him he is obedient, the more he is likely to accept this and believe it.
It would be fair to say many women do this anyway, and know how to nag in positive ways. Positive nagging will become even more effective is a husband doesn’t always listen to his wife so whatever she says will go straight to his unconscious mind without the conscious mind interfering.
Behaviourists believe that they can change any human behaviour and make no distinction between human and animal training. Some authors claim you can train men like dogs and for people who have had experience in dog training, this is probably true.
So how does it work? Just through rewards and punishment. So the principles of Behaviourism are really very simple but what makes it complicated is the people or animals you are trying to train. This is because what exactly are rewards and punishment are not always obvious.
An example of this is when parents have to deal with a naughty extravert child, where punishment doesn’t seem to work. The reason might be that the child being an extravert enjoys all the attention and drama associated with the punishment. So the only way to punish a child like this, would be to ignore it.
The same thing can happen in a Femdom relationship where the man has persuaded the woman to spank him when he misbehaved. But then finds his behaviour is even worse. The reason being is that the man enjoys being spanked and so does everything he can to get her, to spank him more. This then means the spanking is not a punishment but a reward.
B. F. Skinner one of the founders of Behaviourism claims that rewards are far more effective than punishment. This will suit most women, as they are more able to give rewards to men than trying to punish them. It is totally impracticable for women to punish men through violence, unless the man actively cooperates with the woman to do this.
Training men using Behaviourism requires keen observation and awareness. So that when a man is doing what the woman wants, he is rewarded. This is what Behaviourists call reinforcement.
This means that if a man is say doing the housework or waiting on a woman hand and foot. She needs to show her appreciation for doing this, so that this behaviour is always reinforced. This means Behaviourism is not about big dramatic gestures but just small things like a smile, a few words of praise and good timing. So, that the reward is always associated with good behaviour. Timing can be important as the reward is far more effective if it is instant, rather than something later, when the memory has faded.
So behaviourism is not about being obviously dominant but more for women who wants to get her own way, without shouting orders at a man.
ORGASM DENIAL AS A MEANS OF DOMINATION
One of the strange things that has come from Femdom is orgasm denial, where a woman can go as far as putting a chastity belt on a man. Then go and have sex as many men as she likes but deny him any sexual pleasure.
The weird thing about all this is that Femdom is suppose to be a sexual kink for men but we are finding Femdom men who are being denied sex completely. So what is this all about? We see a similar concept in ancient religions like Taoism in
China and Tantra in India where men do have sex with
women but are not allowed to orgasm.
This is a big issue because for most men being able to ejaculate inside a woman is what sex is all about, even though they may not care what orifice it is in. This is why so many men do not like condoms as the sperm doesn’t stay inside the woman. So to have sex with a woman without orgasm seems like asking too much.
Sex denial for women is commonplace in so many patriarchal societies. In Western countries in the 19th century if was actually believed that women could not orgasm. Or if she did, she was some sort of freak. This was because the way men were encouraged to have sex with women, made it difficult for them to enjoy it. The reason was that it was over too quickly and the clitoris wasn’t stimulated.
Things didn’t improve much in the 20th century when the female sexuality was accepted, as women had to fake orgasms because men’s techniques hadn’t improved much. Women even today complain about Internet porn where porn actresses still fake orgasms, and this still perpetuates patriarchal myths about sex.
The Muslims, have taken this to the extreme and cut off the clitoris of girls to ensure women cannot enjoy sex. So why do this? Why does patriarchy want to deny women sexual pleasure? We might find an answer from our animal past.
We know many male animals like bulls, stags, rams, seals, lions and gorillas fight each other for dominance and access to females. So the dominant male gets to have a harem of females with whom he fertilizers, while other males, whom are not big and strong enough, miss out.
We see something similar in animals like wolves and meerkats that live in packs or gangs, where only the dominant couple are allowed to breed. (The meerkat is interesting because like most members of the mongoose family they live in matriarchal groups ruled by the dominant female.)
So we see with many types of animals, sex is strongly associated with dominance and submission where only dominant animals enjoy sex. Surprisingly, this seems to be true of humans as well. Like many other animals, it seem that the individuals who are allowed to freely enjoy sex however they like, are mostly dominant, while those who are denied sex pleasure tend to be submissive. So is this the reason patriarchal societies do their best to deny women sexual pleasure? Because the denial of orgiastic sex helps keep them submissive.
Femdom men talk about ‘sub-space’ where they feel very submissive towards a Dominant Woman. So perhaps being denied sexual pleasure by her, helps make a man feel very submissive. Also some women have noticed that some men with Femdom desires are very submissive before sex but not afterwards. So keeping them in denial is one way to ensure this doesn’t happen.
Now, some people will deny Taoism and Tantra has anything to do with Femdom. This is because both religions claim that the reason why men are denied sexual orgasm is because sex weakens their spiritual energy. But they probably had to invent some spurious reason like this, for them to survive in the patriarchal age.
This is because Taoist and Tantra sex give women all the advantages. They have sex with the women on top. She can go as long as she likes with no fear it coming to an end, because he won’t ejaculate. Also it means he will always be, ‘on the boil’, because not having an orgasm, he will be ready for sex whenever she wants it.
Also to be able to make a man have penetrative sex without him being allowed to ejaculate, is strong indication of the degree she is able to dominate him. So it’s no wonder both religions had to invent other reasons besides female domination, to deny men having an orgasm, if they were to survive in patriarchal societies.
Women today can use and exploit the teaching of these two religions if they want to dominate their partner and are into Eastern spirituality. They can tell the man about all the stuff about sex weakening spiritual energy and suggest they try out Taoist or Tantra sex. Apparently women are allowed sexual orgasm in these two religions, so she hasn’t got to deny herself. She can then use it to control her partner’s sexuality. While the fact she is enjoying sex and he isn’t, means that this will provoke submissive feelings within him.
BRAINWASHING AND THE INDIVIDUAL
One big problem is creating a how to do manual is that every individual is different. For instance some men can be trained by ‘hard to get’ games. That is the say, the woman shows she is never satisfied and man has to work hard to please her. This may work for some men but not all of them. For another type of man if the woman is too hard to please, he will quickly become disheartened and give up. So what works with one man, doesn’t necessary work for another.
This means a woman might need to experiment with a man. Some men respond to being shouted at, while others hate it and sulk. There are men who want to be spanked and humiliated by the woman but others don’t like it and just want to be obedient without the kinky stuff.
There will be men who want dominant women to be cruel and sadistic to turn them on. But others are just happy to serve a woman without the need the need of any duress. It is possible for a woman to be dominant without being cruel and nasty, but not all people agree with this. The trouble is that no two people are the same.
Many women have problems with men coming to them with a list of demands on how they want to be dominated. These women feel that if they give into these demands there is an issue about who exactly is in charge. But just because the relationship starts off with the woman dancing to the man’s tune, it doesn’t mean it has to remain like that.
So even though a relationship might start off as a male Femdom fantasy, the woman still has the right to demand changes after awhile, so she gets what she wants. After all she can point out that having acted out his fantasies, it is time he acted out hers. This means the relationship can change and evolve and go beyond fantasy into her dominating him in reality.
Although the vast majority of men are submissive and will follow orders from anyone in authority without question there are a small minority of men who are not like this. These are alpha men and they find it easy to gain power. Examples of this are men like - Napoleon Bonaparte, Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, Benito Mussolini, Mao Zedong and Pol Pot.
It is remarkable how a small handful of men have been able to rule millions or billions of people throughout the patriarchal age. But they can only remain in power while obedient men follow patriarchal doctrine and suppress women. Feminists and Femdom men are questioning patriarchal indoctrination and are slowly destroying it. When this happens it will be possible for women to take over the position alpha males and dominate men and rule the world.